Afternoon, blog! It's a skeleton; a bare bone skeleton. What I am referring to is the outline, theme or movie in my head. That's where I am with my long-suffering screen play. It's in my head and it wants out. I have tried to squeeze it in my day; working on it in bits and parts for years. But as you know, work first, family first, chores first, feed the dogs, go shopping, get gifts, talk talk talk. That's my life. Oh, wait. Play kissey face with my honey. I don't want to forget the love of my life.
Well, my little script is firmly planted in my brain. The problem is, blog, it's in there, and I am having a time pulling it out and writing it down. No, no, no. It's not writer's block. It's not memory fade. It's more like memory in the background and it's hiding behind a big red brick wall. Dig. Dig. Dig. Ouch!
I formulated my script very many years ago. I revisit my story sporadically... as I can. Not every day, but at least once or maybe two times a month.
Now that I have some time to devote to one of my life goals, I am a flop. It's as if I have been waiting for this time in my life where I have an empty space, a hole, so I can spend time on my script, and bumpity bump, I can't do it. I find time here. I find time there. I go about my business day. My family time and my personal time. I fill the minutes and hours with nonsense. What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I get to it. It's important. It's something I hunger for. But no go.
It must be something to do with a form of procrastination. I put it off, even though I don't have to. Hmmm. Maybe my inner brain thinks that if I do it, get it done, what else will I have to long for. Poppycock, brain. I have a second screen play bubbling away right behind the first one.
I wonder if I am just so ingrained in everyday habits that make up my daily routine? I am like a dog. A dog's life is nearly all routine. That's Bailey, for sure. If we make any change in the daily routine that he is used to, he gets a little frustrated. He sometimes whines, out loud. He barks and barks super insistently. Now granted, I don't bark, at least not so as anyone can hear me. But I do get frustrated at my own behavior. I want to sit down and write my script, but I don't. I want to know why. How can I get myself to stop procrastinating, if that's what I am doing.
I have a beautiful story. It's hard to believe, but as you know, blog, I am and have been an avid movie watcher. My story is unique. It's never been told. I know you would enjoy it, if I could ever get it down on paper.
It may be that I am such a critic, that my brain thinks that I can't live up to my own criticisms. It may think, "What if my script falls in the three categories I rank other movies on?"
Well, blog, this is a curious puzzle. I sincerely want to get back to it. Oh, don't get my wrong. I have reams of character histories, background research and even a date calendar. Tons. The actual story itself has been in my head for a couple of decades. So, I can't find a reason why I am not obsessing over it from morn till dawn the next day. Writing writing writing. ???
Maybe I will be able to get back to it once a few rocks in my road are dealt with. Everybody has em. Rocks. Problems. Challenges. Unpleasantness. Maybe these rocks clog my creative juices from flowing. That's possible. Isn't it? Or am I letting rocks become my excuse? I really don't know.
All I know is that I am scheduled to pick up my Academy Award in 2014 and the clock is a tickin'. Don't ask.
I could add that to my discovery journey, but I won't be able to check it off my list. I would have to add these not-good words. Delay. Downtime. Logjam. Postponement. Loafing. Idle. All true. All me. Right now, but not forever. I can fix this.
I'll do better and report back, blog.
It's Sunday, and time for our weekly feast. So bye for now, blog. Thanks for letting me write. [what do they call that? Ironic?]
Help! Can anybody help? Any ideas? How can I win the battle over procrastination?
