Etiquette is a code of conduct that should never be ignored -- especially with family. Am I right?
Good Manners
Whether you come from a family of wealth, or simple surroundings, old fashioned manners is akin to a "tell" in a poker game. Manners "telegraph" who you are. Con men are the most polite people for a reason: They know that good manners instills trust and respect.
In this unbecoming financial economy, best behavior is still free. It costs nothing to behave properly, and it restores a feeling of order when order is out of control. Everyone admires and respects good manners.
There's no doubt that people lead busy lives. This is the very reason to know how and when to be polite. Realize when you might offend someone you care about. I'm sure you don't want to be responsible for hurting someone's feelings, do you?
It's just common sense to use good manners whether you are at home or away -- whether it's just you and your honey, whether you are a guest at work, a friend's house, grandmother's annual gathering, or waking up for breakfast with the children.
Every hostess wants to host a dinner party or get-together that guests look forward to being part of. But it is a two-way street, isn't it? The other half of a dinner party are guests. Poorly behaved "guests" discourage people from accepting invitations. Soon, that knave of a guest becomes a social outcast.
When to Use Your Good MannersWe are a guest even at our son's home, because even though we're welcome and wanted, good manners and common courtesy always play a role, especially with loved ones. You want to be courteous to those you care about most.
I believe good guest behavior kicks in at your place of employment. Children are guests at their school. You are a guest when you eat at a restaurant. You're a guest at your church, when visiting someone, when you attend a sporting event, concert or just go to the movies. You are a guest on an airplane, driving on the highway, and walking the dog in the park.
How to Be a Good Guest
Being a good guest means showing that you enjoy eating the food in a way that makes the cook feel it was all worth the time and effort. That's just common sense.
RSVP. When you receive an invitation to share a meal or attend an event that says “RSVP” -- respond by calling to let the person who sent the invitation know whether or not you plan to attend.
Never accept an invitation unless you plan to go. If not, refuse by saying, “Thank you for inviting me, but I will not be able to come.” If, after accepting, you are unable to attend, be sure to tell those expecting you as far in advance as possible that you will not be there.
When you accept a dinner invitation, tell your host if you cannot eat a certain type of food or have some special needs. He or she wants to plan a meal that you enjoy.
Dress. Everyday dress is appropriate for most visits to peoples' homes. You may want to dress more formally when attending a holiday dinner or special occasion celebration.
Be on Time. Most people who host events place considerable value on punctuality. If you agree to be there at three o'clock, you should make great effort to arrive on time. It is considered impolite to arrive even a few minutes late. But it is acceptable to arrive at most, 10 or 15 minutes early. If you are unable to attend (after you have accepted an invitation), it is expected that you call the host as soon as possible to let them know.
Hostess Gift
The first gesture of thanks for the hospitality. You are never to young or too old or to "related" to bring a little gift to your hostess. It always brings a smile and makes an awesome memory.
Although it is not necessarily expected that you give a gift to your host, it is considered polite to do so, especially if you have been invited for a meal. You leave a tip at a restaurant, don't you? You pay the restaurant check, don't you?
1. When you've been invited to someone's home, taking the host a small gift (often called a hostess gift) is always a nice gesture, even if the invitation instructs you not to. Offering a bottle of wine, a flowering plant, or a gourmet food item is a considerate way to show your appreciation.
2. Think about the host's hobbies when you select a gift. If you know that the host loves to garden, listen to music, or read, for example, consider a gift or memento for that special interest. Select a gift that suits the recipient and not one that you would like for yourself.
3. Don't allow your gift to be a burden to the host in any way. For example, if you want to give cut flowers, make sure they are already in a vase so the host doesn't have to hunt for one and then arrange them. Remember that the host will be busy and may have carefully planned the party decor. If your flowers conflict with the color or theme, you put your host in the awkward position of deciding where to place them.
4. Gifts of food, wine or special blends of coffee or tea are acceptable as long as you let the host know that it's not necessary to open or serve them at that particular party or event. The host most likely has already planned the menu. Tell the host that you hope he or she enjoys the food gift later.
5. Whatever you choose, the gift doesn't need to come with a card or be wrapped (although a wrinkled brown paper bag can be a little tacky). And it's not necessary for the host to send a thank you card.
6. When presenting the host with the gift, the ideal way is to send it ahead of time or give it to your hostess as soon as you arrive.
Make Pleasant Conversation
You don't want to be boring. You absolutely don't want to be disrespectful. You want to engage people. You want people to want to hear what you have to say.
Some uneducated, self-indulgent, rude people fall into the trap of believing that they can say anything they want, anytime. These dolts think people should listen to them -- just because words are coming out of their mouth. It usually doesn’t work that way, does it?When you want someone to listen to you, you have to say something interesting or you won't be able to capture that person's interest for long. Here are 7 things you can do to make polite conversation and avoid looking like a dolt.
When to Sit at the Table, Start and Stop Eating
When you're invited to share a meal (whether at home or away from your home), you want to observe eating rituals. For example, participate in saying grace if this is done, or say grace to yourself if it is not done. Here's Mom's 21 Tips on how to mind your table manners.
Guests should wait until the hostess is seated before you sit. Wait until everyone at the table is served before you begin to eat. Guests wait until the hostess begins to eat. These "waits" show respect.
Never leave the table before the hostess does. That's good manners and considerate. It's how to be a good guest.
Prayer
A prayer or 'blessing' may be customary in some households. Dinner guests may join in or be respectfully silent. Most prayers are made by the host before the meal begins. Many families take turns. This makes every family member accustomed to saying the prayer, and helps to practice not being embarrassed or afraid to speak in front of a group.
Toast
Sometimes a toast is offered instead of a prayer. Always join in with a toast. If the host stands up during the toast, guests also stand up.
When to Leave the Table
A guest should not leave the table until the hostess does. This goes for children, too. Teach good manners early. Remember that if you are not the host or hostess, you are a guest [including immediate children of the host and hostess and close family members].
Show Delight
Always go out of your way to express your delight and joy at the food you eat that's been cooked by someone other than yourself.
When you are the guest, saying thank you is also essential even with close family members. In fact, the closer you are with the host and hostess, the more important the thank you is.
Forgetting to say thank you can hurt people and make you look like a thoughtless person. So always remember to give thanks to your host and hostess (even and especially when it's your mom and dad or a grandparent or a sibling).
Show Your Appreciation
When you do not live in the home [or if you no longer live with the host and hostess], be sure your thanks are loud and clear.
If you do live with the host or hostess, make your appreciation known in words and actions. Never take it for granted that "people" know you are grateful.
Don't let age or relationship cloud your good manners. Casually saying thank you is easy to do. But really communicating how much you enjoyed the time takes effort that is meaningful and memorable.
A thank-you note or telephone call after the visit is also considered polite and is an appropriate means to express your appreciation for the invitation.
Make it a priority to say thank you and follow up by sending a note of thanks. It means so much and reflects well on you, too.
How to Eat at the Table
How to Use Your Napkin
The table napkin has a lot to do with good table manners. Whether you come from a family of wealth or simple surroundings, old fashioned table manners are akin to a "tell" in a poker game. What are you saying with your behavior? Here's how to use your napkin properly.
Continental Style
In the USA, we eat continental style, with fork in the left hand and the knife in the right (or the other way round if you are left handed). At the top of your plate will be a dessert spoon and dessert fork.
If you are eating at a formal dinner party, you will come across many knives and forks at your placesetting. Start with the utensils on the outside and work your way inward with each subsequent course.
If you have a knife in one hand, it is wrong to have a fork in the other with the prongs (tines) pointed up.
Hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your folk in the other hand with the prongs pointing downwards.
When eating in formal situations, rest the fork and knife on the plate between mouthfuls and when guests pause for a conversation.
When eating soup, tip the bowl away from you and scoop the soup up with your spoon. Soup should always be taken (without slurping of course) from the side of the spoon, and not from the 'end' of the spoon.
You may eat chicken and pizza with your fingers if you are at a barbecue, finger buffet or very informal setting. Otherwise always use a knife and fork.
When eating rolls, break off a piece of bread before buttering. Eating it whole looks tacky.
On formal dining occasions. it is good manners to take some butter from the butter dish with your bread knife and put it on your side plate (for the roll). Then butter pieces of the roll using this butter. This prevents the butter in the dish getting full of bread crumbs as it is passed around.
It is okay to pour your own drink when eating with other people, but it is more polite to offer pouring drinks to the people sitting on either side of you.
Always chew and swallow all the food in your mouth before taking more and before taking a drink.
Always say thank you when served something. It shows you are a good guest.
When you have finished eating, and to let others know by placing your knife and folk together, with the prongs (tines) on the fork facing downwards, on your plate.
Never lick or put your knife in your mouth.
Never chew with your mouth open.
Never talk with food in your mouth.
Never use your fingers to push food onto your spoon or fork.
Never take food from another guest's plate.
Never pick food out of your teeth with your fingernails.
Never blow your nose with a napkin.
It is impolite to put too much food in your mouth.
It is impolite to slurp your food or eat noisily.
It is impolite to have your elbows on the table while you are eating. After, is okay.
Don't reach over someone's plate for something, ask for the item to be passed.
The basic rules for good table manners can easily be applied to everyday living. Plan, commit and be a good guest. Do not be complacent or take life's precious moments for granted. Don't leave things to chance. Give more than you get. Expect nothing in return.
Be a good guest, and what you get will be equal or better than what you give. That includes many invitations to share time, good food and happy memories.