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| Mom never stops being your mother |
You might remember, blog… When I ask my brain train to think white, I am inevitably confronted with black… black and white. Choices. Controversy. Other side of the coin.
What I mean is this. Is everything in the world that I cross paths with, a black and white situation? Are all circumstances, black and white? Does a decision I make have gray areas? It's a puzzle.
I used to think things were clear. Black or White. Period. But as I grow a few years older, and hopefully wiser, my eyes notice that that cloud in my path is not so fogged over. I can see through to some alternatives.
If this is true, then choices I made throughout my life that I thought were either right or wrong… well, maybe I was upside down. Too rigid in my thinking. Too much of a stone with my thinking.
Maybe the path is not always this way or that way. Perhaps I could have gone left. Turned South, East, West, North.
Perhaps where I am today is a result of poor decisions based on my own bankrupt thinking of how things should be. Am I stuck in a rut, and has that rut rotted a relationship that I wish could be better? Am I responsible for the way people treat me? I have to wonder with much chagrin, just what I've done to myself. Ouch!
I put on a new hat today, blog. I turn my skin inside out and take stock of what I am made of. Will it be a pretty picture? I don't know. As happy a person as I am, I know there is more.
No amount of spiteful, vengeful feelings can make my life better. In fact, evil feelings, justified or not, simply suck the savory from the satisfaction and solace I seek.
You know, blog, I am not so sure that this discovery journey of mine is any fun. I want fun. Dissecting my heart and brain to discover who I am… it's not at all fun. In fact, some days when I write my blog, it stings. Hmmm, is that the face of truth smacking me around or what.
Come on, blog, I am a good person. I may have stumbled and stood up with a few scratches, but I know in my heart that I have done what I felt best. Even if now, I find out that my best may not have been best, I get kudos for not being a lying, cheating, stealing, vindictive bitch that some who I know are! That's a fact.
Just think. Without that pernicious person to compare my own behavior to, well… all I can say, blog, is that there is a silver lining even when a reprobate crosses my path.
As I go through my day today, I lift my head, point my chin upwards, and count my many blessings. For whatever I have done to bring me to this moment in my life, I am proud. I have done well. How I measure my victories is up to me, and I say, so far… it's a clean sweep Slam dunk. Mission accomplished.
If I rarely felt as if I had the upper hand, I have it now. It feels great!
Most things are not black and white, I know. But blog, today is a white day: it's clean the toilets day and there will be white today. Spic-and-span white!