Helloooo, good morning and fair day to you blog and those of you who read my blog. Many blessings I send you. This day. That day. Every day. Today, my mind is filled with contemplation. My honey when sit and talk we often do, he said to me that I am fragile. Huh? What the heck does that mean? Am I a baby in mind and spirit? No. Not. Don't think so…
I know my honey all to well and he would never mean to say something negative or speak poorly of me, so I raced to my computer, clicked on Dictionary.com and searched what "fragile" word for word means. Here it is: "easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail." Hmmm… I seeeee. Translation? I have a tender heart.
[Yes] I am hurt by harsh or thoughtless words more easily than most. I cry inside and out… a lot. Okay, that's me. I was born this way. But if fragile be true, then never did I feel so fragile as I do now… now that I am not so young at heart.
Age does grow like a flower. First a tiny seed, then a stem, flowers blossom, and grown is a garden of wisdom. Knowledge that I have learned but few feel compelled to embrace, and some reject without regard. That can hurt.
Whatever happened to good manners if young not old. Respect for elders. [not that I'm an elder, oh no on that] I can only guess there are many times when life puts us on a stage where people of any age can be hurtful. Maybe me, myself, have been so guilty, but certainly not with hurt affront but rather with good and best intentions.
I know for sure that when ache I do, I feel it more than 100 times most. It is what is. That's how I feel. Guilty am I.
Words as well as actions not pleasant can hurt. Not senseless, but embedded. No retraction. No apologies. Just arrows piercing. Not regret. Deliberate. Not erased.
I must be mind messed up, because I reject people who hurt me, and then am shocked when people I love and trust do just the opposite. If it were I, well I would not and never see or speak again to one who hurt the one I love. No matter who or what. Otherwise, to me, love would not be present and that is the truth of that. So note it now. Pay it later, because actions have consequences, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but the day will come. This I know. True. Do cannot be undone. Hurt will visit the one who hurt. More in size. Sad but true. That's life.
My honey is right… again. [smile] I guess it accurate to describe me as fragile. So much of this is true that even a moments recollection of a harsh word spoken by another days and years ago and even repeated phrases of one who is absent miles from here, can bring tears if I dare to dwell.
I believe me to be a good person. I give all I have to this goal. The good in me often does overlook that some this day and year just don't care what havoc they wreak on another with even their few words and small actions and inactions. But then again, maybe they do. More likely, they are hardened to such feelings. Maybe because they are non caring. Perhaps some people care little of me. Just me. It still hurts. So much.
It may be a burden that I feel so deeply. That I care so much. Strong as this is, comes the bad if so with the good. Joy and happiness turn upside-down from good to sad. My heart cries when good hides. Sticks and stones, no not, but hurt it does and that's just me. Vulnerable. Not weak. Sensitive. Not numb. Emotional. Not blah. That's me. Just me.
Truth be told, I have a tender heart, and that's all I have to say about that.
Although I am reminded what else my honey says and that is this. He tells me that I live by my own set of rules, rules that became so, living the good life. Rules to live by, which stem from the rule to do unto others as you would want others to do for you. You get what you give. These and more are what I call, good rules. The good rules of life. Not many, he says, live up to my set of rules.
When hurt... what do I do to turn the tide, change the outcome, feel less broken? When this moment floods my heart with pain and suffering, there is but one thing I can do. It is a rule. And you? What do you do when heart breaks the gateway to you?
That's all for today.