Today, I woke up like usual, but by the end of the day, I was wondering who is this person. Who am I? My mind wondered like a feather in the breeze. It looked a lot like the fluffy white one in the movie, Forest Gump. I guess that's how I felt.
It's been about 30 years or so that I lived through the worst day of my life. A day that resembled a dark hole with debris crashing from wall to wall as it bounced up and around. It was a quiet day, but in my head, it was full of noise.
Every time I remember that day, I can actually feel it all over again. My daddy died. He died unexpectedly and much too young, but he was gone. I don't even remember how many days and weeks I cried. It was sad and unbearable. I lived through my sorrow, broken heart and feeling of loss, somehow.
Every day since the day my daddy died, when something bad happens and life sucks, I remember the day I learned about his death. Nothing in my life has ever been that bad, so I easily yank myself back into the proper perspective. Life is good.
Three months ago, my mother died. That's a reality check that I didn't even know I had not faced. My life seemed like a duck's bottom gliding across a frozen lake. And suddenly, I hit a patch of ice that rubbed me raw.
My parents are gone. I feel overwhelmed with sadness.
I wake up. I work. I wonder. I have many questions I need to ask myself.
I am writing this blog as a sort of a discovery journey, and I smile, because I am not alone. I have a wonderful husband, fabulous children, a great sister, the best of friends, terrific clients that I enjoy working with and my dog, Bailey (Wolfie, too, a sweet Lhasa Opso).
Bailey nudges my arm with his cold, wet nose as I write this post. I paused for a moment and looked at his precious puppy face, and I see the pure reality of life. This pup is loyal and honest and true blue. He asks for nothing and gives everything in return. Even when tears stream down my cheeks, he, in his way, can snap me back and make me smile.