I'm working on a new piece of software for my clients and that takes up some time out of my real work day. Yes, working on developing new software is real work. But, it's more like a back-burner business. The real work that I refer to is the mentoring, writing and designing that I help my clients with. I guess I mean my active vocation, or the responsible tasks that people depend on me for. That's what I spend most of my work day time doing.
[Let me digress for a moment] Bailey and I went for a walk this morning. It didn't take much time, but even a 10- or 15-minute walk is good exercise for us both. Bailey really loves our time together, going for a walk. Imagine how much 10- or 15-minutes of time would mean to those I love. I must add this to my schedule. Why have I not?
I know my client's like the time I spend helping them. It is the right thing to do. It's how I am able to contribute to my share of generating household income for our family. Spending time with Bailey, like taking a walk or giving him a bath (which I did this afternoon) is another good use of time. It is actually refreshing and invigorating. Kinda like this blog: a catharsis or letting go of thoughts to discover who I am.
Since my mother passed, it has awakened my spirit. It's like I need to go back in time and review all the moments to make sure it's me.
What did I do way back when? What action did I take that took me down this path of life where I am today? Because now, I must pause to contemplate my time on earth. Is this normal? I am mystified.
If I like where I am today and who I am today, what should I do now that my parents are gone. If my discovery journey reveals more than I know now… will I need to improve? Will I know how?
Is time my enemy? Or my friend? I do know that time for me is a series of moments. These moments connect as if they are the culmination of an enormous puzzle filled with sights and sounds that form the picture of my life.
But whose to say that I was given this "picture" when I was born -- and when I pass, it will transmit my life onto a mega motion-picture film screen for all to see, and judge. Is the time of my life, a foreshadow, or a blank slate that I design with each day, each decision, each choice, word, action, each movement, deed.
It's a mystery, but if I had to guess, I want to believe that I started with a blank slate. Maybe some small pieces given to me by my parents were on the table for me to choose. But did I choose one or any of these parent pieces? That's what I am on this journey to discover.
As I look back in time, I feel that I may not have wanted some of the pieces my parents put there for me. That's pretty standard stuff. Many kids either don't want, or refuse, to follow in their parents footsteps. I hear stories of how young adults reject parental wisdom. Understandable.
But as I give this more thought, I think I am referring to the innate gifts, not the overt behaviors. This sheds a completely different light on the legacy from my parents.
My father was a generous man. A man with such a big heart, you could feel him lift up your day with a whisper. He was a multi-entrepreneur. That's probably why I am in business for myself. They [whoever "they" are] often state that the entrepreneurial spirit is inbred, inherited, a part of your nature. It must be true. I am happy and proud to be just like my dad. What an honor is to be his daughter.
The goodness of my mother came more in the form of friendship examples. My mother loved to surround herself with friends. She was enamored with clothes, jewelry and furs. In her time, her picture was in the society pages hobnobbing with important friends. She spared no time, putting her stamp on life. [Yes] Mother loved life. Her life. Whether I understood her or not, she was my mother. She's gone, never to share her memories or thoughts or counsel again.
Time seems to be a judge that I cannot avoid. Time does march on. Time is a constant reminder of the choices I have made, and make. So… even though I have taken a few wrong turns so far in my life [who can say less] then, what I pray for now is the wisdom to use the time I have wisely.
I may have been born with a blank slate, but I want no regrets when I travel to my final destination with the picture puzzle of my life in hand.
With a sincere heart that only God may truly see, I never ever want to be the author of hurtful words. I never want to do deeds that cause harm, or take actions that result in another person's heartache. This I promise.
My heart is pure on this, blog.
